just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
