As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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