My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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