i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
