I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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