he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
