I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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