I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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