so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
