their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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