i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
