I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
