I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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