So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
