I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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