come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
