His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
