apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
