whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
