you're like a bully in the Christmas story
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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