I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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