I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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