you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
