I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we're so committed to being not committed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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