If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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