Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
