He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
