Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
