You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
