He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
