I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
