I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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