I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
