and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
