Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
