we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
