Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The uberlube is also flammable
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
