i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
