i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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