just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
