Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
