btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
