I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
