I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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