I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
