people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
