I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
