The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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