At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
