I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm like, not good at living.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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