Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
