the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
