Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
