I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
