It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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