I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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