I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize