is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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