The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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