I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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