Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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