I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
