I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize