Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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